My daughter and I have always enjoyed the most invigorating, mind-expanding, and inspiring conversations, and today was no exception. Some enlightenment I’d like to share today stemming from our talk:
* Just yesterday it occurred to me that The Church judges and practically condemns to hell people who have and use the ability to do the very thing that I was doing on a semi-regular basis as a 4-5 year old child: levitation and/or astral projection. Does this mean they would have tried to cast Satan’s demons from me at age 5 if they’d known? (For *some* reason, I was always aware that my parents could never know about this ability I had to “fly,” as my innocent child-self referred to it.) What struck me about this was that I know I was innocent. I had not let the Devil inside. I had not been playing with Ouija boards or dabbling in “other worldly” activities. I was even being raised in a God-fearing home. God-fearing – ugh. I hate that expression, but sadly, that’s what it was, and that’s what led to my eventual turning away from it all for so many years. But I digress…I was not possessed by the Devil. I was pure. In fact, I was probably more connected to God then than I have ever been. And yet, had I done that as an adult, or had others learned of it, this ability would have been demonised. Since that does not add up to me or seem in the least bit right, I have concluded that this ability is not something to fear – a direct answer to my daughter’s prayer for me the other night, I learned! 🙂 I’ve concluded that this ability (and others that I’ve let wither over the years) is from God and is meant to help others. I intend to discover how. I know that I am very drawn (and always have been) toward empowering others toward their Truth, especially young ladies, so maybe there is a place for my God-given powers there. Who knows? But God does, and as I continue to seek His Spirit and His Truth, rather than depending solely on The Church’s, I know my calling will articulate itself.
* Along those same lines above, I find it interesting how The Church and the Secular World battle over powers. Both are guilty, in my opinion, of rather conveniently, it would seem, picking and choosing which powers are acceptable. The Church has no problem with speaking in tongues and translations thereof in the form of prophecies (aka “channelling” in the Secular World), nor does it have any problem with the laying on of hands for purposes of healing (aka “Reiki” in the Secular World). And The Secular World has no problems with all other powers, but would mock and/or judge as “insane” those Christians who practise speaking in tongues or who prophesy and do Pentecostal hands-on healing. I’m sure there is more, but these are the obvious observations that immediately come to mind to make my point that there is a double standard happening here. I’m concerned that there is so much battle over powers. And I’m embarrassed and saddened that The Church is actually far more judgemental over The Secular world than vice versa in this regard, as they would go so far as to condemn these other practitioners to hell when in fact, having lived in the West Coast for so long, I was privy to such practitioners on a near daily basis, and many of them are healers and give God the credit for their abilities. Many of them follow Jesus, just like those in The Church. Are they going to hell, just because they call it something different? Why do we get so caught up on terminology when it comes to such things as this? I mean, when I was growing up, my parents consulted me frequently for major life decisions. They said I was given the “Gift of Intuition” from the Holy Spirit. In other words, to the Secular World, I was psychic. So what’s wrong with this word? Why is that such a dirty word in The Church, if by its very definition, it’s achieving the same results as one who has the “Gift of Intuition?” There are verses all over the Bible that support having powers, and excuse me, but I don’t think they were labelled as they are now, am I not correct? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head spin. I get so tired of all the battling between the Two Worlds. And The Church even uses its powers to try to “cast out” or even annihilate those of the Secular World. Such close mindedness. Is this really what Jesus had in mind? Is this really what he intended? So why do we care so much that we’re actually battling and judging people over it? It’s so sad to me…Sad because it causes people like me to go on for years not doing anything with the powers bestowed on them, and all those years, who knows? Maybe those people were meant to heal and minister God’s Love to the lost?
* And finally…I was not meant to be a “career womyn.” I was not made for this. It isn’t in my dna. It isn’t a part of what makes me tick. It isn’t Me. For years, I’ve judged myself for not being a career womyn. I’ve judged myself for having been, for the most part, supported by another, and when I wasn’t, for supporting myself through meager means that gave me more time to be creative and play. I don’t know how or what sparked my sudden realisation that I wasn’t made to be a career womyn, but at one point in our conversation, it just hit me. But the best part about this realisation is that it softened me toward myself. It made me see that there is no shame in being different. Just because I grew up during the second and largest feminist movement does not mean that being a different type of feminist makes me less than. I’m proud of my Sisters. I’m proud of their fight toward equality. And I’m grateful. But just because I’m not on somebody’s salary and rubbing shoulders with executives 40+ hours a week wearing designer pant suits does not mean that I’m any less a feminist, any less a strong, independent, powerful womyn. Independence: what does that mean, anyway? Freedom from a man? Financially self-supportive? Merriam-Webster states “self-sufficiency” as a synonym for independence. So I ask, what makes me any less self-sufficient just because I have a man financially supporting me? That’s only one aspect of my livelihood, but that’s not Me. He’s not the reason I am who I am. I’m the reason I am who I am. I have chosen to live in my Truth, and part of that is that I am not a career womyn, and I’ll never fit into that mold, so why try and squeeze myself into it? Part of that Truth is that I am a person who marches to my own tune, not the tune of Societal Dictates. And I love this about myself, and guess what, so does my husband. It’s one of the primary reasons he was drawn to me. And guess what else? He likes supporting me financially. This feeds a need in him. Why should either of us deny that need in the other? I love making money! And I’d love for my husband to make money doing something he enjoys more than what he currently does. And I believe that the sooner I can come to FULL terms (because let’s not kid ourselves here – I’m writing all this mostly for my own benefit, eh?) with who I am and embrace Her wholly, the sooner I’ll be able to make money doing what I love. Could this be one of the benefits of my self-compassion journey? A little gift today? How nice!
Now…time to let it all percolate.